started watching My Chemical Romance’s DVD “Life on a murder scene”

haven’t watched it in years and years

I’m not even five minutes in to it and I’m already crying

pretty much bawling my eyes out

Gerard was my teenage hero

MCR really saved my life during those years when I was at my worst

now it’s really weird to watch this DVD because I realize even more how much I have in common with Gerard and his struggles

I’ve been at worse stages than him over the last 2-3 years (over kind of the same matters)

and when I was 13 and mcr was my life and I watched this I had a really difficult time too (but over pretty much the same things 60% of the kids have today)

do I even make any sense?

too many feelings roaming around my body

can’t even finish this post

bye

gonna continue crying over my babies

that now are men in their 30s
with kids
and have overcome all their hardships
and became successful

(;w;)

I was feeling pretty shitty over the last 3 hours

and then I remembered I’m going to Bulgaria tomorrow afternoon

with my boyfriend

and I’ma stay in a hotel by the beach and eat great food and chiil all week long 

not feeling sad anymore

feeling more awesome than Barney Stinson now

yes 

cannot wait

woops

it’s 4:23am

mania and nostalgia struck me I guess

my poor hurt foot (I fell at work today and now I can’t even walk) is not feeling better
fucking ouch

better get some rest

good morning guys

casually reading fanfics me and @treesandchangingleaves wrote when we were like 13 years old

they are quite interesting 

binging on iced chocolate chunks I just made myself

ugh nostalgia feelings all over

I didn’t even know quizilla existed anymore hahahaha

can we please talk about how much I’m looking forward to CL’s solo debut?

because I need to

IT’S LESS THAN A WEEK LEFT \(;w;)/

and it’s gonna be fab and CL will be so fierce and GDYB will be there trying to get their swag on and GD in hotpants and ugh

I’m so stoked I might pee myself hahahahaha

sweet potatoes for dinner

only sweet potatoes

and Cola

because no money

woooh

at least it tastes good

but I’m so tired of being broke while living on my own 

boo fucking hoo

weird things my new meds makes me do;

- cry while watching ESC
- eat healthy food
- be angry all the time
- poop 4-5 times a day
- my hair is falling out
- drink tons of water
- not being able to get up in the morning

not really worth it actually

the cons are outweighing the pros :c

I seriously don’t know who I am anymore

everything I do and am nowadays are either symptoms of my disorders, adverse drug reactions or plain PMS

where is my mind?

early morning

contemplating suicide again

I’m getting sick of always finding myself thinking about this

there isn’t even a good reason why

more than that I’m tired of everything and just feel like I’m so fucking DONE

I’m 21 years old
how can you even be done with life at that point??

but I’m stuck

and done

and have a 90% ready plan for going away forever

and I hate how pathetic and selfish that is

but that’s it

irrevocably mad about everything and nothing

ugh

so
the new medicine that is supposed to take away my mania

so far (40h) makes me;
sleepy
extremely dry in my mouth
bloated in tummy
poop a lot
cranky
calm
slow
not able to enjoy anything

my level of mania feels like it’s decreased a little though